ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
