And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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