Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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