Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
