Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
