Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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