the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
