I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
