He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
