how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
