I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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