had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
