If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
