i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
