dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
