Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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