I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
