The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
