In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
