I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
