It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
