Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
