come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
