Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
