So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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