Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
