I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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