I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
