You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
