I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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