Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize