I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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