I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize