I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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