Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
