My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
