1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we're making bets on your personal life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
