You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize