I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
