No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize