everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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