people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize