I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
