I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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