i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
