i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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