He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Girls should come with a carfax report
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
