i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
