kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
