I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is wine microwaveable?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize