I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize