3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
