; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
