No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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