the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
