I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize