I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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