just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize