My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
