just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize