He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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