would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
