I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
