Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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