Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
