Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and she was petting her beer can
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
