I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
