I wish my penis had an off switch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
