pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's blow job season.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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